


Identifying

by Calypso_Rising



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexuality, Castiel/Dean Winchester One Shot, Coming Out, Pride Parade, fluff with a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 01:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calypso_Rising/pseuds/Calypso_Rising
Summary: Dean had never considered the possibility that he wasn’t straight.  Until Cas opened his mouth.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of National Coming Out Day, and my own ever evolving journey.

Dean glanced down at his shirt again before giving Charlie a pleading look.

“Do you think I should be wearing this?” he asked nervously.

“Dean Winchester,” Charlie said sternly as she grabbed his shoulders. “Do you want to wear that?” She pointed at the shirt and looked at him seriously. Dean looked down at the shirt again and shuffled.

“Charlie –“ Dean began, but she cut him off.

“Dean, I need you to listen to me.” She stared at him until he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Are you listening?”

Dean gave a nod, and Charlie smiled.

“Good,” she breathed. “Dean, you do not need to do this. This is no one’s business, but your own. You don’t owe anything to anyone, and if you don’t want to do this, that’s okay.”

Dean took a deep breath as he let Charlie’s words wash over him. This was his decision. He could back out now. He knew Charlie wouldn’t judge him if he walked away, but he’d already done the hardest part. He’d already let his family know. Well, most of his family.

Shit. Was Cas even here?

Seeming to sense where Dean’s thought had gone, Charlie said soothingly, “He’s here. He’s with Anna near the end.”

Dean shook his head. “I’m doing this,” he said finally. “I want to do this.”

“Bisexual and proud?” Charlie asked gently as she gestured at his shirt.

“Bisexual and fucking freaked out,” Dean replied.

Charlie gave a soft laugh and clasped his hand. “Okay, let’s get ready.”

\--

 

Dean never knew how loud parades could be until he was actually in one. All the different music and chanting mixed and mingled with the cheers and clapping of the crowd. It was like a roar that threatened to take everything else away. They had already been walking for ten minutes, but Charlie had never let go of Dean’s hand, and he was thankful for that. She was the one who had led him this far. It was only fitting that she was by his side now.

When Charlie first suggested that Dean walk in the pride parade, he’d balked. He’d never really liked drawing attention to himself, and he couldn’t think of a more nerve wracking way to do so. The thought of walking with Charlie and her group had almost sent him into hysterics.

Then he’d thought of Cas.

Six weeks ago, Cas had told Dean he loved him.

Six weeks ago, Dean had told Cas he didn’t do dudes.

It hadn’t been a lie exactly. As weird as it would seem, Dean really hadn’t realized that, actually, maybe he wanted to do dudes. Or at least one in particular. Up to that point, Dean had always identified as straight. Sure, he might have been able to appreciate some of the men in the porn he watched, and he certainly noticed that Cas was sexy as hell. He had thought that was just how the world worked though. People could tell when other people were visually appealing. That didn’t mean anything. Besides, he’d never slept with a dude, and he’d never really considered it something he was interested in. It never really crossed his mind that his appreciation for some men was all that significant.

Then Cas had told Dean he loved him.

\--

 

They had been friends for half their lives. They had gone to college together, got their first apartment together, graduated together, moved back to their hometown together. It seemed like they had done everything together – road tripping, voting, trying sushi for the first time. There was almost nothing in Dean’s adult life that Cas hadn’t been a part of, and he was pretty sure it was the same for Cas. They’d always been close, and Dean had preferred Cas over everyone else, even from the beginning.

He hadn’t realized he was in love though. It had never occurred to him because he had never thought he could be attracted to men like that.

_I love you, Dean._

_Whoa, Cas. You know I’m not into guys, right?_

Cas hadn’t even cried. He hadn’t pushed Dean or yelled. He simply nodded, said okay, and then left. He hadn’t bothered to come home after that.

\--

 

If the power hadn’t failed, Dean would have probably been at home right now drowning in a whiskey bottle. The power had failed though, exactly four days after Castiel left and exactly one day after Gabriel told him that Cas wasn’t coming home. Charlie had knocked on his door. She lived in an apartment a few floors down and had wanted to play board games while waiting for the power to come back on. She listened to a drunken Dean cry over Castiel instead.

Charlie had gently suggested that Dean reconsider his sexuality. She’d then suggested that maybe he do an internet search and read more about the other possible orientations. She had told him that it was a lot more complicated and nuanced than he probably knew. She hadn’t been wrong.

He’d opened his laptop as soon as Charlie had left. After a few hours of reading, Dean had learned something about himself.

\--

 

Deciding to identify as bisexual was harder than he would have guessed. Out of all the different orientations he had read about, it was the one that seemed to fit best. Dean was only a little surprised when he realized that it at least fit a lot better than the term ‘straight’. He still had his doubts though. More than once, Dean worried that he wasn’t “bi enough” to be bisexual. He’d never even kissed another guy, and, if he was honest, he’d never really thought about it that much (though he did appreciate the male form sometimes). He thought that certainly must mean he wasn’t bisexual.

Luckily, he had Charlie.

_“That makes no sense. You can be a virgin and still be a lesbian. Why would it be any different for a bisexual?” Charlie pointed out._

_“But -“ Dean had protested._

_Charlie put a hand in his face, shutting him up. “It’s not like an achievement you unlock, Dean. You don’t have to bang a certain number of people or go so far with someone in order to have the title bestowed upon you. It’s your choice. You get to decide whether it fits or not.”_

_“But,” he tried again._

_“It’s your decision, Dean. You can identify however you want. In fact, you don’t have to identify as anything at all if you don’t want to. It’s totally up to you.”_

It was as simple as that.

\--

 

It took a few days for Dean to become comfortable with the term. When he did finally decide that he wanted to use the term bisexual, his first instinct had been to tell Cas. He’d ended up dry heaving out behind Bobby’s shop when he remembered that Cas didn’t want to hear anything Dean had to say anymore.

So, Dean had told Sam. Then he’d told Bobby and Ellen. His parents were both dead, but he went to the grave yard where they were buried and told them, too. Sam, Bobby, and Ellen had all reacted the same way. They all smiled, and they had all asked whether Dean had told Cas.

He hadn’t told anyone he was in love with the man, but it seemed that they already knew.

\--

 

Dean had intended to tell Cas right away. The more he thought about it though, the worse the idea seemed. Castiel had told Dean he loved him. He had been scared and vulnerable, and Dean hadn’t been able to deal with that.

_Whoa, Cas. You know I’m not into guys, right?_

That’s all he’d managed to say to his best friend. To the man he loved.

He hadn’t known.

\--

 

At some point, Dean convinced himself it would be selfish to tell Cas. Maybe it was because this was all still new and Dean was still trying to figure things out. Mostly though, it was because he was scared. When Cas left, Dean fell apart. Cas had been there almost every day for fifteen years. His sudden absence tore through Dean’s life, and it was unbearable.

He wanted to tell Cas, but what if Cas didn’t believe him? What if Dean told Cas he had been wrong, he did like some men and that he loved one dark haired, blue eyed man in particular? What if Cas laughed in his face? What if Cas thought it was some ploy Dean was using to get him to move back in and keep splitting the rent or something? Crazy thoughts swirled around in his head, and Dean kept thinking that if he didn’t speak to Cas, he couldn’t ruin the chance of getting him back. Soon, all he had were questions and doubts that settled into the void where Cas once stood.

Again, Charlie pushed Dean out of his spiral. She suggested that maybe Dean should get more comfortable with his orientation before worrying about what Cas would say about it. That’s how Dean had found himself at one of the meet ups for Charlie’s LGBTQ+ group. He’d been nervous at first. He still felt like an impostor, like he wasn’t queer enough to be part of this community. The meet up had been at Charlie’s apartment though, and there had been pizza and non-stop talk about video games and sci-fi movies. Dean had a great time, and as he went back upstairs to his own place, he felt a lot less like an outsider.

\--

 

Charlie waved enthusiastically to someone in the crowd before turning her attention back to Dean.

“You alright?” She squeezed his arm, and he smiled.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “This is good.”

\--

 

At some point, all this became less about Castiel and more about Dean. He had originally agreed to walk in the parade as a way to prove to Cas that he was serious about his new way of identifying. Of course, Dean hadn’t actually spoken to Cas since he’d left, but he figured if Cas saw him walking along in a pride parade, he couldn’t say that Dean didn’t mean business if they were to talk later. It seemed like a good enough reason at the time.

As the day of the parade came closer though, Dean realized that he wanted to walk for more than just Cas. He wanted to walk for himself. As the initial confusion and discomfort of questioning his sexuality had worn off, Dean was starting to feel better and more comfortable than he had in years. He was bisexual, and that was something he wanted to acknowledge. Walking in the parade was a small, but meaningful gesture. Regardless of anyone else’s feelings, Dean was acknowledging and celebrating a part of himself. It wasn’t something he often did.

\--

 

A group of children came running up behind them. The children were all dressed in bright colors. They ran around laughing and screaming and holding little rainbow flags. They were supposed to be passing them out to the crowd, but a few of the children refused to part with them. Dean and Charlie laughed as one child stubbornly sat on the ground in an attempt to keep his flags away from his parent. Another child didn’t notice when one of their flags dropped. Dean stooped to pick it up, but the child had bolted off. Dean decided to hold onto it.

\--

 

“Left side,” Charlie nudged Dean. “Anna said that they’re right in front of that street lamp with the clock on it.”

Dean scanned ahead and saw the street lamp over the crowd. His stomach wrenched as his nerves got the better of him. He hadn’t seen Cas since the day he walked out. Since the day Dean had hurt him. Maybe this would be their turning point. Maybe today he could repair some of the damage he caused. Maybe it would do nothing. All Dean could do now was continue walking.

The street lamp approached all too quickly. Dean’s breathing had become erratic, and he clutched Charlie’s hand far too tightly. This was it. Dean nodded at Charlie before dropping her hand. He looked for the street lamp, then down into the people around it. There were tons of people, but he spotted Castiel instantly. He’d always been able to spot Castiel instantly.

Cas’ eyes fell on him almost as quickly. A look of surprise spread across his face and Dean watched as Cas’ eyes dropped down and read the front of his shirt. Dean held up the flag in his hand. He raised his eyebrows and made a motion before tossing it over to Cas. Cas fumbled, but he caught it before it hit the ground. Dean smiled and continued walking.

\--

 

After the parade, Charlie dragged Dean to the festival area. She had been chattering about some booth she passed when her eyes suddenly went wide. Dean looked behind himself and there was Cas. The man walked up slowly, one hand pushing back a dark strand of hair.

“Cas,” Charlie greeted cheerfully.

“Hello, Charlie,” Castiel said in response.

“Glad you could make it.”

Cas smiled. “I am, too.”

There was an awkward pause before Charlie announced that she was going to find some food and would see them both later. She disappeared into the crowd almost instantly, leaving Dean alone with Cas. Neither of them said anything until Cas eyed Dean’s shirt again.

“That’s new,” he observed and pointed. The words ‘Bisexual and Proud’ stood out boldly against the black shirt.

Dean looked down and nodded. “Yeah. I, uh… I had a bit of a revelation.”

Castiel didn’t say anything to that and scanned the crowd instead. He looked like he wanted to say something, but Dean knew he wouldn’t.

“Cas,” Dean shifted. It was now or never. “I’m sorry.”

Cas’ eyes flitted to him before darting away again. “You have nothing to be sorry about,” Castiel said blandly.

Dean huffed in irritation. “I do,” he placed a hand on Cas’ arm and caught his eye. “I acted like an asshole. You told me something important, and what did I do? I treated you like shit. That wasn’t right.”

“You are under no obligation to reciprocate my feelings,” Castiel said stiffly. His eyes dropped to the ground, and Dean couldn’t remember that last time he’d seen Cas look so worn out.

“Cas,” Dean pleaded.

Something rose up in Castiel, and his eyes flashed. “Dean, please. You didn’t have to deny your sexuality for the sake of sparing my feelings. If you like men, but not me, that’s fine. It’s fairly simple really.”

“Cas,” Dean whispered. The breath felt like it was sucked out of his lungs. Dean hadn’t even considered the idea that Cas would think Dean liked men, but not him.

“Dean, it’s fine.” Castiel looked at him with an odd expression. “I’d always suspected you were bisexual. That’s why I…” Castiel’s words faded away. “Thank you for telling me. I am happy for you.”

He turned and began to walk away before Dean shouted. “Wait.”

Cas turned reluctantly. “Yes?”

“I love you, Cas.” Dean’s voice cracked as he said it.

“Excuse me?” Castiel said slowly, almost dangerously. Dean felt a shiver go down his spine, but he forced himself to stand straighter.

“I love you, Cas. I didn’t realize it before because, well, I didn’t really understand myself. The minute you left though…” Dean took a step closer and grabbed Cas’ hand. “The minute you left, everything started clicking into place.”

A tentative sort of hope spread across Castiel’s face. “You love me?” he challenged.

Dean hummed. “I do.” Cas leaned a little closer before pulling away and stepping back.

“Are you sure?” Cas searched Dean’s face wildly, and Dean hated that he was the one to put this fear into Cas.

“I’ve loved you half my life, Cas,” Dean shrugged.

“Why now?” Cas demanded angrily. He shook his head and pulled at the collar of his shirt.

Dean let out a huff of laugher. “What can I say? I’m really bad at feelings and shit.”

It wasn’t a very good response, but it was enough. Castiel stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist. He pulled Dean close, and Dean didn’t hesitate to wrap his own arms around Cas.

“I’m incredibly mad at you, Dean WInchester,” Cas murmured, barely pressing his lips against Dean’s.

“I still owe you more of an explanation and apology,” Dean mumbled back.

“You do,” Cas sighed before pressing hard against Dean and kissing him. The world exploded around Dean as he tasted Cas’ lips for the first time. Everything inside him threatened to burst at the realization that this was Cas in his arms. This was Cas pressed against him and invading every one of his senses. Cas had asked if Dean was sure he loved him. Dean had never felt more certain about anything in his life.

Their kiss was cut short by a loud, piercing noise.

“This is so awesome,” Charlie squealed, causing Cas and Dean to break apart and stare. Charlie was grinning with unrestrained glee on her face, and next to her stood Anna, who wore a satisfied smirk.

“This was well past overdue,” Anna remarked calmly.

Dean glanced at Cas, and they smiled at each other. “It was,” Dean agreed.

“Hopefully we won’t have to wait as long for the wedding,” Anna added with an arch of her eyebrow. Charlie’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. For a second, she practically vibrated before letting out a loud cheer.

“Oh my god, yes,” she cried loudly. Dean groaned, while Castiel patted his chest comfortingly.

“Don’t worry. I don’t think it’s that far off.” Castiel winked and pulled Dean in for another kiss.


End file.
